This Must Be The Place
by doombitch
Summary: If Okuyasu was the Sun, then Josuke was the Moon, the Stars and everything in between. Finally, Okuyasu felt like he truly mattered to someone. All it took was meeting the love of his life by punching him in the face. ((Original one got all fucked up, so I reposted it? RIP me))


If anything could be said about Okuyasu Nijimura, aside from his unwavering dedication to being a punk (smoking, loud swearing in public, spitting on the sidewalk, driving his motorcycle at unheard of speeds in residential areas, cutting class, the list goes on), it would be that underneath that scowling veneer, there was an entirely too soft heart residing in the core of him. He cared too much about: animals, sometimes sad looking objects that looked like no one cared about when he was feeling real emotional, and people. Especially one person in particular. Who was named Josuke 'Gets Owned at Smash Brothers Constantly like a Fuckin' Nerd' Higashikata.

Yeah, Okuyasu loved a lot of other people. His dad, his brother, Ms. Higashikata who treated him like he was her own, Koichi, Tonio, a bunch of others who had shown him compassion and love at some point since he came to Morioh, and even Stray Cat (how much someone can love a sentient cat plant is debatable, but Oku wasn't one to think too hard about that kind of thing). But, it was clear that his feelings for Josuke were, well…something a little more. Which of course, Okuyasu was aware that he had caught the dreaded Feelings; he oscillated between flat denials to everyone who raised eyebrows at his gushing over Josuke to actively sweating over how to confess that he was truly, madly, deeply in love with his best friend.

* * *

The first time Josuke and Okuyasu met wasn't exactly romantic. Rather, it was lucky that both of them came out the situation alive, let alone Best Fuckin' Bros. When he was laying there, staring up at the sky as Josuke healed him, anger disappearing alongside his wounds, he was struck by just how _pretty_ Josuke was. Not only did he owe him one, but Okuyasu found it hard to punch a guy who did made his stomach do weird things when he looked him directly in the face. His handsome face. With pouty lips and the prettiest blue eyes he'd ever seen, and—holy shit, Josuke had an ass on him. A booty that could kill a man, given what it was doing to Okuyasu.

Besides the fattest ass he had ever seen and lips that would look good wrapped around anything, Okuyasu was amazed by how good-hearted Josuke was. Risking himself for Koichi, trying to help the elder Nijimura, saving Okuyasu's life despite having been punched in the face repeatedly and almost killed by him. Comforting him after his brother was murdered. Accepting him as a friend the very next day. It was kindness without condition. It was more than Okuyasu had ever experienced, and he felt that he didn't deserve it.

If you asked Okuyasu later, after everything had settled, when he knew that he was enamored with Josuke 'Saves a Man's Life Minutes after Hitting Him in the Goods with a Flower Pot' Higashikata, his response would have been a simple statement:

"There's no reason he has to die."

Ain't that a kick in the dick?

* * *

Masculinity is a funny thing, really. Men do a lot of odd shit in order to preserve their 'manhood', a vague concept in the best of times. In their quest in being 'the manliest man', dudes repress emotions, burying them and deflecting them with humor or just surly nature. Okuyasu wasn't like a lot of dudes. He knew this. Keicho had made it a point to drive home this fact every chance he got. Okuyasu wore his heart on his sleeve. He cried frequently. He was unflinchingly honest with how he felt and saw himself in the grand scheme of things or compared to his friends. It was refreshing in the best of times, heartbreaking at the worst.

Okuyasu was convinced he wasn't worth a damn thing; dumb, worthless, incompetent, waste of space. It was like a mantra that had been pounded into his head since he could remember. Stupid stupid stupid. He was pretty secure in his convictions. Not worthy of anyone's time or effort. Nothing redeeming about him. This was a something he had long since accepted.

But, meeting Josuke changed everything. Finally, there was a person in his life who built him up, rather than do their damnedest hurt him.

"You're great, Okuyasu!"

"Dude, that's fucking GENIUS."

"You're the funniest person I've ever met, no joke."

His heart swelled so much when he heard Josuke pay him compliments, he was pretty sure it was gonna burst out of his chest. Okuyasu was fairly certain that Josuke didn't really pay his own remarks any mind, but they meant so much to him. Deep down in his heart of hearts, Okuyasu Nijimura wanted nothing more than to be what Josuke saw.

If he was asked what the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him, Okuyasu would know that it would be a sleepy whisper he heard while sharing a bed with his best bro:

"I'm really glad I met you."

* * *

Though feelings weren't hard for Okuyasu to talk about, getting into a conversation about how he _really_ felt about his Best Fuckin' Bro or his psychological and physical scars wasn't something he wanted to do, ever. He got the feeling that Josuke felt the same about his own shit, so they never really talked about their deep seated issues at length. Anything else was fair game; both boys enjoyed their late night deep conversations about anything, everything, and nothing all at once. It just never strayed into murky territory.

Then Kira blew that all to hell.

In all honesty, Okuyasu doesn't remember much of that fight. There's a big black space, punctuated with a sad dream about Keicho and decision-making, between meeting Kira in the street and finding Josuke collapsed in a puddle of his own blood, with wooden spikes pointing out of his body, making him look like the world's saddest marionette. The rest is a blur, but he remembers clutching Josuke, trying to get his writhing, pompadoured friend to stay still until paramedics could get to him.

"You're alive" Josuke croaked.

"Yeah buddy, I'm good, I'm golden." Okuyasu was sitting on his knees with his arms around Josuke's chest, holding him tightly without trying to hurt him further, "You need to stop moving, you've lost a lot of blood."

Josuke was trying to turn around, "I'm aces, let me touch you. You're alive. You're alive, thank god. Thank god" he kept whispering, shaking so hard his teeth was chattering. Okuyasu wasn't sure why Josuke was shaking like that, or why he was so clammy, so he just kept ahold of him, brushing his thumbs against the uninjured parts of his friend's face, a desperate attempt at comfort.

Later, after Josuke had been loaded into the ambulance and Jotaro ushered him into a car to follow, that he learned Josuke was going into shock. Okuyasu knew that that much blood loss and shock had a very good chance of being fatal. A numb feeling crept into him, the gravity of the situation not truly hitting him until he sat in the ICU lounge at the hospital. He felt like he should cry; instead he just trembled.

It wasn't until Tomoko arrived, bearing fresh clothes not only for her son, but for Okuyasu as well, did the dam finally break. Horrible, ugly sobs broke out of him; Tomoko shushed him while wiping away his tears, "The nurses are okay with letting you use a shower. Go get cleaned up and changed. I'll send someone to get you if you're not back before he's able to have visitors." With a nod, he managed to swallow back his tears. Tomoko sighed, her brows knitted together. Clearly, she was concerned with the wellbeing of both her son and the boy in front of her. It shouldn't have surprised him when he was pulled into her patent Mom-is-Here-to-Make-It-Better Hug, but the kindness made Okuyasu's sobs break out with renewed vigor. She just held him; rubbing his back and whispering reassuring things. Besides looks, it was easy to see that Josuke inherited a lot more from his mother.

Okuyasu managed to get himself back under control before letting go, hightailing it to the bathroom before he could make a fool of himself any further. Panic attacks where something he was already used to experiencing, but it never made it any easier. "Everything will be okay," he mumbled over and over to himself, rocking back and forth under the blistering hot water.

Even after his near-hour long shower, he emerged fairly calmer. Actually he wasn't, but he was able to fool himself into thinking he was. Josuke was in recovery, no one was allowed to see him aside from Tomoko, per Jotaro. All he could say was okay before aimlessly pacing around the room. The lounge was empty, save for Okuyasu and Jotaro keeping watch. "Okuyasu," Jotaro finally said after what felt like century of silence, "Sit down." The teenager had been staring into the corridor leading down to the surgery wing; he looked over at Jotaro, who hadn't even bothered to stop reading his book.

Okuyasu nodded, "Yeah, okay." He forced himself to sit on a couch, leaning back to get somewhat comfortable. He was asleep within a matter of minutes.

A gentle hand shook him awake, "Oku, honey." He gasped sharply, terrified, The Hand materializing beside him to fuck up— it was Tomoko. "Didn't mean to startle you. Josuke's awake and begging for you." He spared a glance over her shoulder at Jotaro, who was hovering in the background, wearing a look on his face that Okuyasu didn't like. A look that asked the question, "What the fuck?" He wasn't in the mood to answer.

Getting his bearings, he dismissed The Hand, "S'fine. I'm up."

It was a small miracle that Josuke got himself a private room. As they walked, Tomoko warned Okuyasu, "His injuries weren't as bad as they feared, so he'll get to go home in a few days, barring no infection. He's loopy from the medication, and thinks—" she bit her lip and Okuyasu instinctively knew how she was about to finish that statement, "He thinks you were injured? Something about a hole in your chest? He's…he's very upset. I just wanted you to be prepared."

She looked so worried and afraid. He'd never seen her that vulnerable looking; it broke Okuyasu's fragile heart into a million little pieces. "I figured. I think what happened made me hit my head, go unconscious. He was pretty fu—I mean messed up when I came to. Kept muttering about how I was alive." Jotaro had told Okuyasu on the way there that they were to refer to this incident as a gas leak, and nothing more. He resented the fact that Jotaro felt the need to tell him because _no shit sherlock_ , but then he remembered he was a fucking idiot with a big mouth anyways, so it was probably for the best. They made it to the door of Josuke's room. Oku felt compelled to comfort her. "Don't worry 'bout him Ms. H, he's gonna be okay. He's tough as sh—an old boot?"

Tomoko gave him a teary smile and patted his face affectionately. Okuyasu wanted to do nothing more than to time travel and punch Joseph Joestar right in the fucking face for hurting such a sweet woman. We can't win them all.

The lights in Josuke's room were dimmed, in the hopes it would get him to sleep. It didn't work, because Josuke was sitting straight up, eyes wide and completely zoned out. His only movements were him chewing on his bottom lip. His hair was a complete, utter disaster. The entire scene was unsettling. For a split second, Tomoko looked like how Okuyasu felt, until Mom Mode kicked in. "Honey, I'm back," she placed a hand on Josuke's shoulder, "I brought Okuyasu with me." Josuke flinched, brought back to reality. He focused on Tomoko for a few seconds before his eyes slid over to Okuyasu. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Josuke started struggling to get out of bed.

"Don't—Damnit Josuke, don't get up," Okuyasu strode over to him, "you'll bust your stitches." Carefully stepping over all the bullshit wires attached to Josuke, Oku sat on the edge of his hospital bed. The roles were reversed for once; Josuke clung to him, sobbing wildly, while a slightly uncomfortable Okuyasu rubbed his back and did his best to comfort him.

"I thought you were dead." He was slightly slurring.

"I'm fine Josuke, don't cry. It's okay. I'm okay. Everyone is okay."

Reassurances meant jack shit when Josuke was clearly convinced that he had died, but it was all Oku had.

After a few more minutes of trying to calm Josuke down, the doctor walked in, his timing terrible. Tomoko got up and ushered him out of the room, knowing how her son felt about people seeing him cry. It was just the two bros left alone. At that point, Josuke managed to get his crying under control. He leaned back, putting his hand on the right side of Okuyasu's chest, looking directly into his eyes, "You had a hole. Right here. From Kira's explosion. I fixed it, but—" his voice broke, "You were deadweight. You weren't breathing. You had to be dead. There's nothing else you could've been. I pretended it wasn't true, but it was."

The look on his best friend's face was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. Tentatively, Okuyasu wiped away Josuke's tears, "You saved me, dude. Fixed me up, and I'm as good as new...so don't cry okay? I'm okay." Josuke closed his eyes and pressed his face into Oku's touch. Thank god Tomoko was out of the room, or she would have seen Okuyasu blush so hard, he looked like he was seconds away from having a stroke.

 _Tell him!_ His inner voice screeched. _Tell him you're in love with him! Tell him now! Stop being a baby-backed bitch!_

 _No, don't!_ Another part of his conscience warned, _Josuke's emotionally vulnerable right now. He would feel obligated to return your feelings. Don't put him through that. He's suffered enough._

"Come on, lay back down. You're gonna regret moving around this much when the morphine wears off."

"Only if you promise you're gonna stay right here with me."

"M'not going anywhere, I promise." Okuyasu had no idea if he was allowed to stay or not, but he would do his damnedest to keep his word.

Mercifully, Josuke calmed down enough to let his head hit the pillow with a groan. Then he remembered his hair existed. His hands flew up to the greasy, rat's nest that his pomp had become. "Oh godDAMNIT" Josuke looked like he was about to cry again.

Panicking a little bit, Okuyasu stroked his face, "Hey, hey, it's okay. Do you want me to French braid it?"

Josuke was distracted from his despair, "You know how to French braid?"

The next few hours were dedicated to fixing Josuke's fucked up hair. The actual braiding normally doesn't take that long, but Okuyasu was continuously interrupted from his task by what felt like literally the entire hospital. It was his own damn fault, insisting that it would be easier to do two braids since Josuke had so much hair, not admitting that it would take longer and therefore, give him more time to play with his bro's hair. Had to find a comb and hair ties (thank God Tomoko had the sense to pack both in an overnight bag), then spent a while gently brushing out all of the product Josuke liked to use. Doctors and nurses were in and out. Koichi, accompanied by a scowling Rohan, stopped in briefly to check on the hero of the day; they left shortly afterwards, with Koichi giving Okuyasu a promise that he would check on his dad for him. Josuke had to eat and use the bathroom. Jotaro also popped in, but he mostly stayed outside in the hallway, reading. A nurse tried to get him to go back to the lounge, but Jotaro's menacing aura and cold-as-death stare deterred the young man from continuing his train of thought. The marine biologist wasn't bothered after that.

It was clear to Okuyasu that Tomoko knew Josuke better than anyone, seemingly able to anticipate his needs before anyone else, including Josuke himself. In all honesty, didn't take a genius to see that her son was mostly calm only when Oku was in touching distance. So when the evening was winding down, and visiting hours were over, Tomoko shouted down the nurses who tried to get Okuyasu to leave. It was unknown to the teenager if she got her way using ironclad determination or if Jotaro's menacing over her shoulder helped. Probably a little from column A and column B.

Okuyasu had started four hours ago, and was just now beginning on Josuke's second braid. Tomoko had left the room to make some phone calls; presumably to work, Koichi's mother, other relatives that Okuyasu had never met, and very possibly the Speedwagon Foundation (Jotaro had given her the number, simply stating "They'll take care of everything" before throwing a hand up in goodbye and leaving). Josuke had managed, with a medium amount of effort, to sit with his back facing the edge of his bed. Okuyasu stood behind him, taking his time weaving Josuke's hair. A comfortable silence had fallen on them until Josuke broke it, "Can I ask you something?"

This was typically how their deep conversations started. Okuyasu was already uneasy, "Go ahead."

"When did you learn how to French braid?" At least Josuke was no longer slurring.

It was expected that the question would come up. Didn't make him feel any better about the direction this conversation was heading. Okuyasu answered, "Keicho taught me."

Josuke made the same noise in his throat that he always did when Keicho was brought up. Okuyasu grimaced. He was very aware of Josuke's feelings regarding his big brother. A minute or two passed before Josuke spoke again, "Why did he teach you? Like, how the hell did he know?"

He was already in this deep, might as well share the story. "When mom was in the hospital, she taught 'em how to do it. Keicho told me that she said it made her feel like an actual person again." He paused for a minute, taking a slow, measured breath. "Big bro grew his hair out after she died. Taught me how to braid like that. I mostly did it when we were kids, but he'd ask me once in a blue moon when we got older." Okuyasu paused again because his hands started shaking. He waited until it passed before he continued with his work.

Silence fell on them again for a bit. "When was the last time you did it?" Josuke asked.

Oku shifted from foot to foot, "...Dunno, maybe like, eight months ago? Nine months? Before we moved to Morioh. We had our stands for at least a year before…" At this point, Okuyasu was just talking, "Keicho had been out all day and it was late that night when he got back."

"What was he doing?"

"Stand user hunting I guess? He'd get really pissed off if I ever questioned it." Okuyasu shrugged. "A lot of times he'd just come home in some shitty mood and yell me or dad for whatever reason, but that night he was just. Tired. He showered, then kinda hovered in the doorway to my room until he asked me to braid his hair like I used to. So I did." Okuyasu sighed, feeling weary down to the bone himself, "We didn't talk when I did it, but after I finished, he said that he was going to bed and that he loved me…Probably last time I ever heard 'em say that…"

Josuke wasn't saying anything. The silence stretched on for minutes, and Oku started babbling, "I—I know he did a lot of awful shit, and I ain't defending it—" Before he could say anything else, the braid was finally finished; Okuyasu tied it off, grateful that he could move on from the subject. "I—I finally finished your hair. Now let's get you laid back down, I've kept ya sitting up long enough." He put a hand on Josuke's back and the other on his shoulder to help him turn—

"Oku."

"Y-yeah?"

Josuke was still facing forward, his voice soft, "You can braid my hair anytime you want to," taking his non-IV'd hand and squeezed one resting on his shoulder.

Even as he flew high on morphine, riddled with holes and broken ribs, Josuke Higashikata was comforting his best bro. Tears stung the backs of Okuyas's eyes. Goddamnit, why was he so _good_ to him when he never fucking deserved it in the first place. He was the one in the fucking hospital, but the only thing on Josuke's mind was _his_ feelings. "Thanks bro. I'll hold you to that" he said thickly.

Josuke patted his hand before allowing Okuyasu to help him lay down, "You're gonna stay right?"

"Yeah. I think your mom scared the shit out of the doctors, so they're, uh, gonna make an exception for me."

"Good…good…"

Josuke was finally settled down in bed, looking pitiful. "Did mom bring a mirror? I wanna check out your handiwork."

There was in fact a handheld mirror in the overnight bag Tomoko brought. She really did know her son. Okuyasu, suddenly feeling very self-conscious, held up the mirror for him, "If you don't like it, I can take your hair down—"

A critical eye appraised the twin braids on his head. Agonizing seconds pass before Josuke spoke again, "Dude, it looks really good…"Josuke ran a hand over them, making an appreciative noise. He looked back up at his friend, "I can say that I now officially trust you with my hair. Promise you'll do it again?" A smile, albeit a weary, tired one, was on his face.

If the Earth had opened up and swallowed Okuyasu whole, he would have just accepted it, knowing that he just got paid the highest compliment Josuke 'I'll Whoop Your Fuckin' Ass if You Insult or Touch My Hair' Higashikata could ever give another person. And if his face got any redder, he would probably pass out. _I'm in love with you, you heartbreakingly beautiful bastard_ is what he wanted to say. Instead, he turned around, busying himself by pulling an extra armchair Jotaro may or may not have jacked from another room as close as he could to Josuke's bed, desperately trying not look like a fucking fool. "That's some high fuckin' praise coming from you…I promise dude, you're in good hands" he said, amazed at how even he had managed to make his voice sound.

Okuyasu managed to kick his shoes off and sit down, wrapping himself in a blanket that Jotaro also may have stolen. Immediately, he felt sleep almost overwhelm him. Before he would let it, Okuyasu glanced over at Josuke, who was intently staring at him. To his credit, Oku didn't flinch, "You good, man? Morphine still killing the pain?" Josuke kept staring at him, and instead of actually answering, he spoke in a voice that was too small to come from him, "Will you hold my hand?"

Tears threatened again, but he nodded, "Yeah, man. I got you." It wasn't as awkward Okuyasu thought it would be, angling arms enough to where they would both be comfortable. Josuke's hand was icy in his, and Oku rubbed his thumb in gentle circles over the back of his hand, trying to warm it up.

Josuke was asleep and Okuyasu was on the verge when he heard Tomoko quietly slip back in. The still lucid part of his brain was hollering about how she could clearly see him holding hands with her son, but the tired part was stronger and kept pulling him closer to sleep. She said nothing, merely walking over to Okuyasu and adjusting his blanket to cover him better, before planting a motherly kiss on the side of Oku's head. He wanted to just weep forever. Tomoko gave Josuke the same treatment before settling down herself.

If you asked Okuyasu when he knew that his relationship with Josuke 'Hold My Hand and Don't Leave My Side, Bro' Higashikata changed, his answer would be not when he was asked to hold his hand, or when Josuke was concerned about dumb shit with Keicho while recovering from horrible injuries, but when he was handed the key's to his bro's bread and butter: his precious hair. Most people would say that's fucking stupid, but those people also got a kiss from Okuyasu's fist, so who's the real idiot here?

* * *

"Dude, it couldn't have been that bad."

"It was a complete waste of my damn time is what it was."

Roughly six weeks had passed since Josuke had been released from the hospital. His physical injuries were mostly healed thanks to a (reluctant) visit to Tonio's, but it was becoming increasingly apparent that the whole fight with Kira had taken a great toll on Josuke's mental wellbeing. So apparent, that Tomoko had finally convinced her son to see a psychiatrist.

Okuyasu frowned at the top of Josuke's head; he was once again French braiding his undone hair. Josuke had pulled out his pompadour in frustration earlier. "What was so bad about it? If you don't mind me asking or—"

Josuke sighed irritably, and Oku winced. He tried to remind himself that Josuke wasn't mad at him, but at everything that was going on with him. "It's just—" Josuke began, "Being told you're fucked up isn't something you wanna hear." Papers were being shuffled; Josuke was riffling through a plain manila folder again. Over his shoulder, Oku could see the title of a packet in big bold letters: PTSD: Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, commonly known as PTSD, blah blah blah," he read aloud, "Symptoms include—I'm just gonna read the ones that doctor highlighted—Insomnia, irritability, social isolation—sorry Koichi, nightmares, avoidance, lack of self-care, severe anxiety—look at that, that one's underlined—"

Pretending that a lot of that didn't apply to himself, Okuyasu interjected, "So, he pegged what's wrong with you—"

"Clearly." The last words came out harshly, and Oku flinched. He just kept braiding, unsure what to say back. The doctor _had_ hit the nail on the head. Josuke didn't sleep much anymore. He went days without showering or changing his clothes (he had in fact showered and done his hair today, but it had been the first one in 6 days. Okuyasu mentally kept count). Refused to see anyone save for his mother, Koichi on rare occasions, and Okuyasu. Actually, Josuke panicked when Okuyasu was outside of his line of sight. So, he stayed with Josuke as much as he could, but his other responsibilities called him. Okuyasu felt such immense guilt when he had to leave. He wanted to do more for Josuke, but he didn't even know where to begin.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Josuke cleared his throat, "Hey, uhm…" Josuke shifted uncomfortably, "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. It's not your fault, and I'm not mad at you." He sounded so tired. It hurt Okuyasu's heart.

"S'fine dude, don't worry—"

"No it's not! It's not fine! None of this is fine!" Josuke flailed upwards, out of Oku's grip. He started pacing, "What the fuck is wrong with me? Kira's fucking dead, and you're—" He stopped short, opting to rub his face hard instead, "Why am I like this? Why am I so scared and sick all the time? I'm a goddamn monster, look at how I've been treating people!" Josuke gestured to the empty room, to Oku. "I get so pissed off, for no damn reason, and I take it out on you or mom, and neither of you deserve that. You don't deserve my stupid bullshit."

If Okuyasu's heart could break anymore, it would. Not knowing what else to do, he got up and pulled his bro into the tightest bear hug he could manage, "Dude—"

Josuke didn't break down into gut-wreching sobs as he had been prone to do lately, instead just laid his head on his bro's shoulder, speaking in a broken, small voice, "Just wanna be okay again, Oku."

"I know," Okuyasu whispered, "I know. You will be, it's just gonna take a while to get there."

Josuke heaved a watery sigh, "Not trying to be 'that' guy, but you don't know that."

It was Oku's turn to snap, "Dude, yes I do!" He pulled away from Josuke, and grabbed him by the shoulders, the most stupid, serious look on his face. "I didn't have the exact same thing happen to me, but I get it. All these symptoms?" Okuyasu bent over and picked up the folder, shaking it for emphasis, "I feel these every fucking day of my life, dude. Literally every day."

"Oku—"

His voice fraught with emotion, Oku continued, "Yeah, you don't really ever get 100% better. You'll have a good day, but then you have a truly awful fucked up day the next, for no reason other than you just woke up. But, you can learn how to cope. And function. It's really hard, but it's possible."

He was so heated. He had no reason to be, it's not like he ever told Josuke all this. He'd never told anyone this. Okuyasu never considered him a victim, but goddamn did he know the structure of his own psychology. Filled with a sudden sense of shame over being upset, he turned around, unable to look at his friend, "You're not a monster. You're just a guy who went through some awful shit, and now needs help to get through it. And that's okay."

Okuyasu rubbed his face, what a mess. The room was deafeningly silent. Josuke hugged him from behind, wet face pressed into the shorter kid's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I should've—"

"No, don't. Don't be sorry. S'not like I advertise it." Okuyasu squeezed his bro's arm, "My point is, I'm like. Here for you, dude. To listen, or hangout, or whatever you need. You're not alone." Josuke said nothing, only nodding into his shoulder. "Also, I'm not done with your hair yet, sit back down so I can finish." Okuyasu tugged on him; Josuke let go and sat back on the floor.

Sitting in silence while Oku worked gave him an opportunity to gather his thoughts. He was gonna help, even if it killed him.

Josuke brought him out of his thoughts again, "So. What do I need to do? To stop feeling like this."

The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to just figuring out where to start.

"How do you like, deal with the bad shit in a not terrible way?" Josuke queried, pen in his mouth.

Oku tied off the first braid and moved on to the second, "It's different for every person. I think Keicho dealt with shit by—"

"Yeah, don't give a shit what he did. What do you do?"

"Depends. If I'm not thinking straight, I write shit out. If I have a nightmare, I go take a walk around the neighborhood to burn off steam. If I'm feeling itchy or panicking, I take a hot shower."

Josuke nodded, writing down ideas on the back of the PTSD packet he was given. He seemed genuinely receptive to what Okuyasu was saying. When he finished Josuke's hair, they both ended up laying in his bed, still spit balling.

"It's also important to learn what might like, trigger all the bad feelings and shit."

Josuke scratched his cheek "Feels like everything does."

"Is there anything that makes you feel super bad? Or dredges up nasty thoughts?"

He took him a moment to answer, "…Remember how we watched Transformers the other day? All those explosions made me feel nauseous."

Oku snapped his fingers, "There's a start. So we start by limiting how much you see of that for awhile."

"I think I'm good with like, cartoony explosions? Where it doesn't involve shit that looks real?" Josuke's brows furrowed, "That make sense?"

"Yeah, yeah I get you. So like, Looney Tunes shit or when Captain Falcon does The Knee of Justice in Smash—"

"Don't worry, you can still use your main. I think I'll be okay. If I'm not, I promise I'll tell you."

"Anything else you can name off of the top of your head?"

With a sigh, Josuke rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He was quiet for a long time, before speaking in a low voice, "If I don't see you with my own two eyes, I get really anxious. Like, bad anxious. Gonna puke anxious. Can't exactly see you at every given moment in the day, can I?"

Okuyasu chewed on his lip, trying to come up with an answer when the alarm on his phone rang. It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon; time to feed his dad again. The cogs in his brain started turning, "I got an idea. Gimme your phone." Josuke acquiesced, unlocking it before handing it over. The wallpaper made Oku snort. It was a selfie of him, Josuke, and Koichi making drunken stupid faces. It had be the one time Koichi had ever gotten shitfaced with them. Oku pulled up his clock app and set a timer for 60 minutes.

"Okay, I'm gonna go over to my house for an hour. You can't come with me, so what you're gonna do is try some of these out." He gestured at the back of the paper, "Maybe you'll even come up with something we didn't think of."

Josuke shifted uncomfortably, already anxious-looking, "I dunno if I like this idea."

"It'll be good practice," Oku said, while getting up, "Plus, if you need me, you can just text me."

Josuke frowned at the ceiling, "I always need you."

Both boys froze upon realizing what Josuke had just said.

Okuyasu stuttered, "I—I'm gonna go c-check on dad. Be b-back in bit." He stumbled out of the room in a slight panic and was halfway down the stairs when he remembered to holler, "START THAT COUNTDOWN."

"OKAY!" came the affirmative.

You could have fried an egg on Okuyasu's face. He pounded down the street to his house, trying to run away from his feelings but, goddamnit, they were still there, following him. Since that first night in the hospital, his relationship with Josuke had become charged with an undercurrent that he couldn't quite figure out. It was very obvious something had changed between them. They lingered when giving each other hugs, sometimes held hands whenever Josuke needed it, and basically cuddled when they slept in the same bed. It would need to be addressed at some point, but not when things were too shaky. Confessions can come later.

Oku got home and immediately set to work; feeding his dad and Stray Cat, packing some clothes so he'd have something to change into in the morning. He was about 15 minutes into his chores when his text alert chirped:

 **J :** I'm struggling

 **J :** I can't empty my stupid head long enough to thing about literally anything else

 **You:** youre doing good though

 **You:** do something thats mindless, like a game. U got 40 mins left, u got this

 **J :** I'll try.

He did his best to be encouraging, and hoped that it would be enough for now. Finished with slinging clean clothes into a duffel bag, Oku dug through a shopping bag that had been laying by his shitty desk. Writing really did help him sort his brain out, so he was a frequent purchaser of notebook packs. There was one that Josuke would love: purple with gold polka dots, his aesthetic. But when that bad lad was cracked open, Okuyasu saw that the first page was adorned with hearts containing his and Josuke's initials. He let out a 'REEEEEEEEE' before throwing it away from him as hard as he could.

Perhaps Josuke would prefer the cerulean with mint colored triangles on the front instead.

He went fishing in the bag again, this time finding a cute star keychain. Before Kira sent everything to hell, Okuyasu had every intention to give Josuke his other set of house keys, in case anything were to ever happen to him. Oku stared at the little star. He bought it because Josuke was his star and— _oh god maybe now is not the time to think about how gay you are for your best friend—_ before clipping it onto the spare set he had laying on his desk. Better late than never.

With a few minutes to spare, he returned to Josuke's house. "I'm baaack, Josuke!" A walrus groan from the family room answered him. He found a white-knuckled, pale Josuke sitting on the floor playing Animal Crossing: City Folk. Back when Josuke first bought it, Okuyasu teased him mercilessly before getting sucked into how damn _chill_ it was. "Did you make a new town?"

Josuke visible relaxed when Okuyasu plopped down beside him, "Nah, don't worry about your little dude. Deleted my villager and made a new one."

Okuyasu stretched out on his stomach, propped his head up with a pilfered pillow from the couch. "Was it helping?" he yawned.

It took Josuke a few seconds to answer; a fish was refusing to be caught and it was taking his concentration, "Hm? Oh, uh, yeah actually. It was working before ya ugly mug showed back up."

"Shut up, we both know I'm the sexy one in this friendship. I got bitches swarming my dick. Gotta beat 'em off." A bold faced lie if there ever was one.

Josuke snorted, "Phrasing." He playfully knocked into Oku's shoulder, "You are pretty sexy, dude." Okuyasu pretended his face wasn't the same red as the roof of Josuke's Animal Crossing house.

They bantered back and forth for a while; Josuke offered up control of the Wiimote, but Oku enjoyed watching him play. "Oh yeah, before I forget," Okuyasu dug into his duffel bag, pulling out the notebook and keys, "Here." Josuke took them, an eyebrow arched. Oku felt self-conscious, but he soldiered on, "When I got something pretty to write in, it makes it easier for me to do it. That's stupid, I know."

"It's not stupid." Josuke flipped the notebook front and back, "This is cute, I'll definitely have to use it. You got good taste."

"Hell yeah I do." _You don't even know the half of it._ He cleared his throat, time for the embarrassing part, "And those keys are my spare set. You know I could sleep through a hurricane, so if ya ever have a nightmare, you can come wake my dumb ass up and we'll go take a walk, or something. No matter how late. I was gonna give 'em to ya before…W-well now seems like a good time anyways." He wanted his dumb mouth fuck off for good.

Josuke traced a finger over the star keychain before choking out, "Thanks dude. I appreciate it."

Okuyasu gripped him in a strong one-armed hug, "S'no problem. What I'm here for. Now that's outta the way, lemme beat your ass in Smash before dinner."

They played a couple rounds of Smash. Josuke did okay, which he seemed relieved about. He was also boastful, because he managed to beat Oku a few times. Okuyasu was just glad they were playing. After dinner, they ended up watching some dumbass movies before stumping back up to Josuke's room to pass out. Josuke was already settled into bed, half-asleep when Oku came back from the shower. Unsure if Josuke wanted him in the bed with him, Okuyasu tried to quietly move around the room to pick up his faithful childhood friend, a stuffed cat named Mr. Whiskers (Josuke never teased him for it, which he thanked God for every day). While he was facing the wall, Josuke reached behind him and patted the bed. It was a gesture to let Okuyasu know he was welcome. Oku turned off the lamp beside the bed, and crawled under the covers. Josuke's full-sized bed groaned underneath him as he settled down. "G'night bro." He got a grunt in response.

Maybe thirty minutes passed, "Hey Oku." Josuke whispered, voice drowsy.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for everything. You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit. I'm lucky to have you."

Okuyasu had never been so thankful for darkness in all his life. It did a good job of hiding the tears streaming down his face. Josuke really did do his damnedest to shine a light on his dark feelings. He managed to reply, a lump in his throat, "Don't mention it. Now get some sleep. You'll wake me up if you have a nightmare, right?"

"Mm."

"Promise?"

"Mm."

"Is that a yes?"

"Mm."

"Night, bro."

He didn't even get a response to the last one. Sleep took him a few minutes later too.

Josuke did end up having a nightmare that night, but kept his word and woke up Oku. They ended up sneaking out and walking around the neighborhood at 2 o'clock in the morning, chainsmoking. Okuyasu had an arrangement with the night clerk at the gas station, he got cigarettes and cheap beer if he slid some extra cash across the counter.

They ended up on the roof of Josuke's house, sharing a six-pack, and stayed up there until dawn. It would have been the most romantic thing that had ever happened to Oku, if the circumstances were different.

If you asked Okuyasu, if he had to pick between sunrises and sunsets which he would choose, he would remember that morning, as he held Josuke's hand while watching the sun peak up over the horizon.

* * *

Josuke had that intractable Joestar will. He never backed down once he had his mind set on something, no matter how big or small. Sometimes to his detriment, but mostly it worked out for him. It used to blow Okuyasu's mind how dedicated and _goddamn stubborn_ his friend could be.

He needed that attitude.

Progress was very slow. In the beginning, Josuke had more bad days than good. After a couple of weeks, with the start of school looming over them, he was impatient.

"I thought this was supposed to _fix_ it?" Josuke stubbed out the remnants of his cigarette and paced around on Okuyasu's back porch. It faced away from Josuke's house and had trees blocking the view in the back, so they hung out back there when they were smoking and drinking like the rebellious teens they were.

Okuyasu tutted at him from in behind his cigarette; he took a drag, held it for a few seconds then blew it out, "I told you, it wouldn't be overnight. It takes a lot of time and patience. You just have to keep at it and give it time." He flicked the ash off the end, then frowned as he brushed more ash off of his shorts.

Josuke groaned, "I know, it just sucks." He plucked another cigarette out of the box, and held it out for Oku to light it. He wasn't fond of fire near his face anymore. Okuyasu obliged, and Josuke held up his cigarette in thanks before taking a puff. "By the way, I texted Koichi this morning and asked if he wanted to hang, which he does. So we're doing that today, if you're down."

"Fuck yeah I am, but you gonna be good for it?"

"I'm gonna try."

That's all anyone could ask for. Hanging out with Koichi went well. The little man seemed immensely relieved that he got to see his best buds, "I've been swamped with summer classes, but I've missed you guys! We should hangout more before school starts back up for real."

Okuyasu gave Koichi a noogie while Josuke snorted, "Missed you too dude. Come on, let's get ice cream."

They did get some hangout time in before classes started up again. Okuyasu had been nervous for Josuke, hoping that he was ready for the routine of school. But, things were only moderately rocky. He didn't have much to fear, but god, did he still worry like a mother hen.

With a lot of work, Josuke got used to being separated from Oku. It started at an hour, but slowly built up over time. Two hours every day for a week, three the next, four, five, on and on until they hit about 12 hours. Now Okuyasu could sleep in his house again, though he still spent the night four days out of the week at Josuke's.

Over time, they figured out more things that would trigger Josuke. The sight of blood made him ill. He couldn't watch fireworks unless he was far enough away that he didn't hear the noise. Thunderstorms too, which was figured out the hard way.

During the first thunderstorm since the Kira shit, Okuyasu was sleeping in his room and woke up in the middle of the night to find a sopping wet Josuke standing over him, face pale and eyes wide. It scared the shit out of him; Oku fell out of bed with a shriek, naked as the day he was born, "DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK!" Josuke opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Oku scrambled for his sweatpants, rolling around trying to get them on. The Hand hovered beside him. He wanted to throw up, if he hadn't been too surprised to properly react, Josuke would be dead.

He took a few deep breaths while lying on the ground, focusing on how cold the wood felt on his back, and willed The Hand away. When he got his bearings, Okuyasu stood up and clicked on the lamp on his nightstand, still shaky.

Josuke looked at him with tears in his eyes, "S-sorry."

"It's fine, you just—I just freak a little when I get surprised awake sometimes," he was willing to talk about that, just not at the moment, "Come on, let's get you changed." Josuke stripped down to his boxer briefs; Okuyasu handed him a pair of basketball shorts and tank top that Josuke had left there before, staring at a particularly interesting stain on his hardwood floor.

Josuke sat on the edge of the bed while Oku kneeled in behind him, quickly braiding his hair before tapping him on the shoulder to get him to lay down. Josuke did as he was directed, Oku leaned over to turn off the light before plopping beside Josuke. Every time it thundered and lighting streaked across the sky, he flinched and made a horrible choking sound; Oku rubbed his back and wiped his tears away. They laid there quietly for hours, until the rumblings of thunder were far away. "Sorry," Josuke croaked.

"S'fine. Did you tell your mom you're here?"

"…Shit" he sniffed.

Oku groped for his phone, then shot off a text to Tomoko:

 **You:** lettin u kno that josuke is at my house

 **You:** please dont get mad

He placed his phone back on the nightstand. Josuke had his face pressed into Oku's bare shoulder, eyes closed. The teen was unsure if he was out, so he just adjusted the covers over them and let himself sleep.

Josuke said he felt like an utter dick when they woke up the next morning. Oku waved him down, it was fine. No need to be upset. They laid in the bed, sunlight streaming through the blinds.

Josuke was chewing on his bottom lip, "Hey, can I ask you something?"

Immediately, Okuyasu started getting that sick, creeping feeling, "Shoot."

"Last night, you—you summoned The Hand when I woke you up. Why?"

Oh god, this conversation. Okuyasu steeled himself, "It was unconscious. I…okay sometimes when I get scared awake, I'm ready to start kicking ass."

Josuke raised an eyebrow; Oku went red in the face, embarrassed, "I mean, like. Defend myself? That's probably a better way to put it."

"I've never seen you do that."

"Because I make it a point to wake up before you do," Okuyasu pointed out, "When have you ever had to wake me up?"

Josuke considered this carefully before responding, "That's true. I don't think I ever have…So why do you feel like that? Like you gotta defend yourself from someone shaking you awake?"

This was happening. Okuyasu rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, "Dad used to wake us up in the middle of the night to smack us around." Okuyasu shrugged, "It's been about 10 years, but I still feel like I'm gonna wake up to a fist."

He glanced over at Josuke, nervous. His friend looked sick, and pulled Oku into his arms, "You didn't deserve that, and I'm so fucking sorry." Yep, there came the tears. It was so tender, it made Oku's stomach roil. He would allow himself to be comforted this one time.

After that, the conversations stopped being just about Josuke, but also about Okuyasu.

Inventory of his scars was taken:

The ones on his back? Some were from the time he fell ass-backwards onto some broken glass after he and Keicho broke into some store. It had been Keicho's idea, he made sure to stress. Others were from the time he fell off a cliff and into a briar patch while riding a bike at the age of 8. Keicho was picking out thorns for hours afterwards.

Scar on the left side of his rib cage? He got shanked during a fight when he was 14.

The scars on his hands and legs? Also from fights, and being a damn fool as a child.

The weird collection of bumps on his right pec? A mixture of chicken pox scars and that one time he cooked bacon while shirtless. The scars from grease were only a year old.

The puncture looking one on his left foot? Stepped on a nail in their old house before moving to Morioh.

The ones on his face? Bad Company. Two paratroopers had cut his face while repelling out of a helicopter. Keicho did it so Okuyasu would summon The Hand in order to defend himself. The blood loss freaked Keicho out enough to drag him to their neighbor's house, who had been a mob doctor. He stitched Okuyasu up as best as he could; Keicho never used his stand on him again until the arrival of Josuke.

Okuyasu talked about how he missed who Keicho used to be, before he became obsessed with the arrow and so angry; when he would read Oku stories and help him with homework. About how he had forgiven his father and was able to take care of him, despite everything that fucking bastard put him through. How he missed his mother, a woman he vaguely remembered only when looking at pictures.

He talked about how he felt safe.

Days stretched into weeks. Weeks became months. Holidays and birthdays came and went; both boys were now 17. Before they realized it, a year had passed and summer came again. At the end of the summer break, they would be entering their final year of high school.

Josuke had more good days than bad now. He was back to hanging out with Koichi, doing his pomp, staying on top of his homework. He still saw the psychiatrist, it actually did help a little bit. "Living is still a work in process, but hey, I'm functioning today. That's a win right?" he'd say with confidence. Okuyasu was elated to the point of weeping (which he did, when he wasn't in Josuke's presence).

Storms still were Josuke's wild card trigger, since you could never really prevent that. One night, there was a particularly nasty thunderstorm. Josuke was staying over; Tomoko had a hot date that night ("GET IT, MS. H!" Okuyasu had hollered when she waved goodbye. Josuke looked like he wanted to die). They had managed to move from sitting on Oku's bed to sitting on the back porch, watching the rain pour. The power had been knocked out, but they had their traditional six-pack and box of cigarettes between them, so things were mostly gravy.

To his credit, Josuke merely flinched and scrabbled for Oku's hand when lightning shot across the sky followed by a rumble of thunder.

"If you need a break, we can go inside."

"Nah, I'm okay…just hold my hand."

They drank and laughed, curled up in blankets. Pleasantly warm from each other's company and the shitty beer Okuyasu managed to get his hands on.

Around 1 in the morning, the rain petered out, the clouds moving on to piss all over somewhere else.

"How you doing?" Okuyasu asked.

"I'm golden, my dude." Josuke squeezed his hand, "Hey, look, you can see all the stars."

It was true, all the lights being kaput cleared up the night sky. Okuyasu could see the Milky Way.

"S'beautiful."

"Yeah…" Josuke seemed to be deep in thought.

"Got something on your mind dude?" Oku asked after awhile, taking a sip from his beer.

Josuke seemed to be choosing his words carefully, "Can I be honest about something?"

"Go for it."

His friend was squirming uncomfortably. Oh no. "So like," Josuke began "There's still something I haven't told you."

Oh no. "What is it?" Oku was starting to get heart palpitations.

"I'm in love with someone."

To his surprise, Oku managed to choke out, "Oh, who is it?" He felt like he was on the verge of tears, but kept it together. He knew in his heart of hearts it wasn't him.

It took Josuke a few minutes to answer, "You know him—"

"Oh goddamnit, tell me it's not Koichi—"

"No! What?"

"Mikitaka?"

"No! Let me fin—"

"OR ROHAN, THAT WOULD BE THE LITERAL WORST THING EVER—"

"For god's sake! No! I'd rather die! Just. Let me finish." Josuke sounded peeved. Okuyasu forced himself to go quiet. With a sigh, and a soft _clink_ , he sat his beer can down, "You know him, but maybe not as well as you think you do."

"Josuke," Okuyasu's voice was strained, "You just gotta come out and say it. I'm too stupid for this. You gotta tell me." He was heartbroken, but he did his best to keep it out of his voice. He failed. "You just gotta get it over with."

Josuke said nothing for a moment. Instead, he got up on his knees, leaned over to Okuyasu, and kissed him square on the lips. It was soft and tender, and— _oh god, there's the tears_.

Feeling his wet tears, Josuke started panicking, pulling away, "Oh shit dude, are you okay? Did I upset you?" Hesitantly, he wiped Oku's tears away.

Okuyasu shook his head, "No, I'm okay….can you kiss me again? Please?" Josuke nodded, giving him sweet, chaste kisses on lips, cheeks, forehead, and chin.

It took some effort, but Oku calmed down enough to ask, "Why me?"

"Whaddya mean 'why me'? How could it not be you?" Josuke sounded genuinely confused.

"You're literally the hottest guy in Morioh! You could have literally anyone else, so why choose the stupid looking fucko who's dumb as a bag of hammers?"

Josuke held Oku's face in his hands, "Because you are none of those. You've been here with me for the roughest fucking parts of my life. You are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for. Not to mention, you're the funniest person I've ever met. Every time you hug me, or hold my hand, I just wanna kiss you all over. Dude," Josuke squeezed his cheeks gently for emphasis, "Your smile is like the sun, and all I wanna do is bask in it like a dumb ass sunflower."

The tears started up again, but Okuyasu got himself under control enough to kiss Josuke on the mouth, "I love you too. I've been after you like some lovestarved idiot forever."

"Why not tell me?"

"Same reasons you never told me, I guess."

Josuke brushed the tears off Oku's face, "So, you wanna be my boyfriend." For his trouble, he got tackled to the ground, and sloppy, inexperienced kisses all over his face. "Agh! I guess that's yes?"

Oku buried his bright red face into Josuke's neck, "You fuckin' know it is."

They cuddled for real that night, getting used to kissing each other. The next day was rather comical, as no one was surprised at this development.

"What do you MEAN you're not surprised by us?" Josuke howled, shaking his and Okuyasu's clasped hands for emphasis. They were sitting in front of the ice cream parlor; Koichi was counting a fat stack of yen from the apparent bets that everyone from school made on their relationship.

"Josuke," Koichi said seriously, "Literally everyone knew. You were only oblivious to each other." He patted Josuke's shoulder, "I am happy for you guys though, you finally figured it out. Ice cream's on me."

Everyone else's reaction was more or less the same. Yuya was the only one remotely shocked, "Thought you guys had been together from the get-go."

Tomoko was happy, kissing both boys on the cheek, "Finally, one of you had the sense to say something. It was driving me up the wall."

"Thanks mom." Josuke grumbled.

That evening, they were back on Josuke's roof, watching the sunset.

"Hey," Okuyasu said, pulling Josuke's face close, "I love you jerkass."

Josuke gave him a smooch, "Love you too dickhead."

"Asshole"

"Shitweasel"

If you asked Okuyasu when he knew he'd want to spend the rest of his life with Josuke 'Sexy Ass Looking Rat Bastard' Higashikata, his answer would be when they sat on his roof, trading insults in between kisses until Tomoko hollered at them to _get down, please_.

If Okuyasu was the Sun, then Josuke was the Moon, the Stars and everything in between. Finally, Okuyasu felt like he truly mattered to someone. All it took was meeting the love of his life by punching him in the face.

But that's how it goes sometimes.


End file.
